Bond Night says Phuket as it duels The Man with the Golden Gun and Thais one on with Count Dooku’s third nipple, the return of J.W. Pepper, and the greatest car stunt in film history.
By Michael O’Connor // Welcome back to Bond Night! This month, we’re aiming our sights on The Man with the Golden Gun (1974), director Guy Hamilton’s final foray into 007. We’ll take a quick dip into the backstory of this wonky installment, dish about Thai cuisine, and introduce the most ludicrous Bond Night cocktail yet. So join us in the FPS funhouse but keep your shirt on; we really don’t want to see your third nipple!
HISTORY
For twelve years, producers Albert Broccoli and Harry Saltzman were inseparable. The two had engineered one of the biggest film franchises in history with the James Bond series, but that didn’t mean everything was milk and honey. Saltzman didn’t just produce 007 films; he invested in a variety of other ventures. And unfortunately for him, they couldn’t all be as successful as the Bond franchise. As debts piled up, Saltzman saw the writing on the wall; either sell his half of the franchise or end up in financial ruin.
The details of that sale and the drama that ensued are probably best saved for our next installment, but suffice it to say, The Man with the Golden Gun would be Saltzman’s final contribution to the James Bond canon. It’s just such a shame that his final film would go off with a whimper rather than a bang.
Fast tracked for release just over a year after Live and Let Die, Gun‘s production was a callback to those early, heady days of Bond when a new adventure would hit theaters every year. Dr. No (1962), From Russia With Love (1963), Goldfinger (1964) and Thunderball (1965) had all rocketed through film theaters, each more financially successful than the last.
But ever since You Only Live Twice, the producers had slowed down, opting for a new Bond film every other year.
So why change that now? There are two theories. The first is that Saltzman’s financial woes drove the decision; the Bond franchise had been reliably lucrative. Even the less popular installments were making at least ten times the invested budget; show me a modern blockbuster that can make that claim.
The second theory is that the producers were concerned about Sean Connery’s shadow lingering over the franchise. With the fits and starts of the past few years–Lazenby’s one-off appearance and Connery reprising the role after swearing it off–audiences were going to have to be convinced that Roger Moore was sticking around. And nothing breeds acceptance better than familiarity. Two films in two years sent a strong message: Moore was the new James Bond. Period. End of story.
Unfortunately for the filmmakers, The Man with the Golden Gun wouldn’t be the movie to convince anyone of that. It was the least successful Bond film at the box office since On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. And unlike that movie, critics weren’t (and wouldn’t be) lauding Golden Gun‘s merits as a brilliant piece of filmmaking.
So essentially the story of The Man with the Golden Gun is that it was rushed through production, conceived in the midst of financial panic, and would ultimately fail to deliver the profits or convince anyone Roger Moore was a worthy successor. For both producers and audiences alike, they’d have to wait until 1977’s The Spy Who Loved Me.
DINE
Bond Night is all about getting together with friends and family and sampling food and drinks that pair well with the evening’s movie. Given Golden Gun‘s predominant Thailand setting, it’s only natural you sample some of that country’s fare.
Fortunately, Thai cuisine is legitimately amazing. A blend of spicy and sweet, sour and salty, it’s the perfect meal for any kind of temperament or temperature. Usually comprised of either rice or noodles, vegetables, and either meat or tofu, it’s imbued with savory combinations of lemongrass, coconut milk, turmeric, basil, peanuts and chili peppers. Aromatic, steaming curries are bliss on a cold winter’s night while lighter rice dishes provide a clean, crisp flavor that will cool you off on a hot summer’s day.
As for suggested dishes, Pad Thai is an easy recommendation; it’s delicious and ubiquitous in Thai restaurants everywhere. But if you want to mix things up a bit, substitute in Pad Kee Mao, which is sometimes referred to as “Drunken Noodles.” Spicier and more savory than Pad Thai, it skips the peanuts to indulge in chili peppers, mushrooms and basil.
For back-up entrees to split and share, you might look for Lemongrass Chicken served with rice. Of course, a plate of spicy beef or fish prepared with garlic, pineapple and basil are both excellent alternatives.
Finally, you’ll want to provide a few lighter appetizers. Salad rolls with avocado and peanut sauce are highly recommended, as are coconut fried shrimp and Thai hot wings for a spicy kick.
DRINK
Up to this point in the Bond Night series, the aim has been to introduce readers to classic cocktails that Bond himself might imbibe and deepen an appreciation for the classic art of mixology. But sometimes a James Bond movie comes along that defies all logic and common decency, and when that occasion presents itself, it’s only natural that a cocktail comes along to match that spirit.
The Tobago Coconut Flip is that cocktail.
On paper, this thing sounds like an abomination, but I can guarantee you from personal experience that you will likely enjoy The Man with the Golden Gun far more if you’re armed with one or two or six of these bad boys. Like the Bond film itself, the Tobago’s recipe is a series of questionable decisions that nevertheless gets the job done while providing a few thrills and laughs along the way.
Taste-wise, this is a dessert drink heavy on milkshake levels of creaminess accented by notes of coconut and cinnamon. There isn’t much in the way of subtlety or nuance here, but that’s okay, because there’s not much of that in the film either.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’d recommend watching Golden Gun without one of these. That may sound like high praise, but really it’s just an acknowledgement that sometimes the only way to get yourself out of a deep hole is to just keep digging until you break through the bottom. And nothing says “keep digging” like Goldschlager.
Tobago Coconut Flip
- 1.5 oz. Malibu Rum
- 1 oz. Thai Coconut Milk
- 0.5 oz. Goldschlager
- Ground Cinnamon
Directions
Add the rum, coconut milk, and Goldschlager to a mixer with ice and shake vigorously. Strain into a cocktail glass and lightly dust the top with cinnamon.
INTERMISSION
Pause the film at 00:51:51 or after Hai Fat says “Take Mr. Bond to school.”
Then return to your home bar or kitchen to mix up another round of Tobago Coconut Flips. Your group of fellow Bondians are going to need all the liquid encouragement they can get if they’re going to make it through the second half of this film. Just remind them they’re drinking tiny pieces of gold. That ought to help.
The Man with the Golden Gun – VERDICT
My friends knew exactly what kind of a film they were in for when one of the first shots lingered on Christopher Lee’s third nipple.
“Umm… is there a reason the camera won’t cut away from this?” one of my friends asked, slightly uncomfortable.
“Sort of,” I said, thinking ahead to the scene where Roger Moore attaches a fake extra nipple to his chest to pose as the golden gun carrying hitman.
Try as I might, I can’t hate this film. It’s sloppy, it’s silly, it’s corny and it looks cheap and rushed, but there are still pleasures to be had in watching it, especially with a group of friends who don’t mind indulging in a few eye rolls, heckles or occasional groans.
For one thing, I don’t know if Roger Moore has ever been more of a bastard than he is in this film. Seriously, someone woke up James Bond on the wrong side of the bed, and my friends were loving it. Whether he’s pushing a little boy off a boat, kicking a guy in the head bowing to him, or having sex with one woman while another is forced to listen to the whole thing in a closet, there seems to be a concerted effort here to show that Moore’s Bond can be kind of a dick.
There’s also just something so over-the-top and random about the film that it makes it impossible to predict what’s coming up next. There are kung fu fighting schoolgirls, sumo wrestler wedgies, a flying car and the return of racist reprobate sheriff J.W. Pepper.
Of course, Pepper’s surprise return ended up being one of the highlights of the group’s screening. At first they thought Pepper was just a quick cameo nod to Live and Let Die, but once he’s copiloting the car with Roger Moore’s James Bond, my friends couldn’t contain themselves. “Is this going to be the best James Bond film yet?” one of them asked.
Unfortunately not. The Man with the Golden Gun, for all its insanity, is a surprisingly hot-and-cold affair. When the film is dialed up to 11, it delivers over-the-top hilarity in spades. But when it’s concerned with branching expositional scenes to connect the madcap hijinks, it’s dull, meandering and listless, a surprisingly limp effort after the robust and raucous Live and Let Die. There’s something about the 70s energy crisis in here and a McGuffin that harnesses solar power and turns it into a laser… or something, but the main attraction is really James Bond squaring off with Count Dooku’s Christopher Lee’s Scaramanga.
Lee is cold and creepy and he can rock a tracksuit almost as badly as Moore can rock a safari suit. But Scaramanga is criminally underused. While the scene between him and Moore at the dinner table ripples and pulses with energy and threat, their face-off in Scaramanga’s first person shooter funhouse is surprisingly ho-hum. That scene really could have benefitted from veteran Bond production designer Ken Adam, who sadly sat out this installment.
Honestly, the best thing about this film is the insane car stunt that climaxes the chase scene with Scaramanga. Bond drives an AMC Hornet over a broken bridge, causing it to spiral 360 degrees in midair and land on the other side. It is the best thing your eyes have ever seen, especially when you understand that no models, CGI or camera tomfoolery were responsible for capturing the stunt. Simultaneously divine, audacious and thrilling, it will make your day better to know that someone attempted that insanity in real life and pulled it off.
So, of course, the filmmakers ruined it by adding a slide-whistle sound effect. But that, in effect, is the sum experience of this film: intriguing ideas, outlandish charm, and then just when you’re starting to root for it? Slide whistle.
RANK
There would be plenty of worse Bond films to follow, but at the time of its release, there could be no doubt. This was 007 at his absolute nadir. Never fear, though; James Bond will return with a truly classic chapter next time on Bond Night.
- Goldfinger
- From Russia With Love
- On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
- Live and Let Die
- Dr. No
- Thunderball
- Diamonds Are Forever
- You Only Live Twice
- The Man with the Golden Gun
Bond Night Will Return with The Spy Who Loved Me…
About Bond Night
Bond Night is a tradition started by myself, a bonafide Bondian, and friends whose exposure to the James Bond film franchise was limited. One film a month is paired with a region-appropriate cuisine and cocktail, and spirited discourse about each film’s merits and shortcomings. The goal of this column is to translate that experience here, walking newbies and Bond-experts alike through fifty years of the British superspy’s cinematic history (from Dr. No through today) and declassifying all the secret intel necessary for you to host your own Bond Night with friends and family.