Choose your weapon and pick your side as Bond Night engages in a 007 double feature pitting Roger Moore’s Octopussy against Sean Connery’s Never Say Never Again in the ultimate Battle of the Bonds!
By Michael O’Connor // Welcome back to Bond Night! This month we’re packing twice the heat with a 007 double feature, covering 1983’s twin Bond films: Director John Glen’s Octopussy and Director Irvin Kershner’s Never Say Never Again. Only one movie will emerge triumphant, and it will be up to you and your friends to declare the winner! Bond Night is here to equip you in your mission with a briefing on the history of these rivaled productions, a dive into Indian cuisine and fried calamari, and a couple of cool cocktails to pair with each film. So brace yourself for the Battle of the Bonds, the most blockbuster Bond Night yet!
HISTORY
Who is James Bond’s greatest enemy? Most fans would say Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the leader of the criminal organization SPECTRE and the villian responsible for killing 007’s wife. But those who worked behind the scenes of the James Bond franchise might have had altogether different answers in the year 1983.
Sean Connery, still bitter over his alleged mistreatment during the filming of You Only Live Twice, wisecracked to Johnny Carson that Cubby Broccoli was the real villain of the story.
As for Cubby, the producer of the Bond franchise since its inception, he probably would have accused Never Say Never Again producer Kevin McClory of aims at world domination. The rival producer had been a constant thorn in Broccoli and ex-partner Harry Saltzman’s sides for nearly two decades at that point, at first just jockeying for leverage within the existing franchise, but then, by 1983, actually releasing his own Bond film, Never Say Never Again.
How could McClory do this when Broccoli’s production company EON owned the rights to the James Bond property? As covered in a previous installment of Bond Night, McClory had been an early collaborator with 007 creator Ian Fleming on what would eventually become Thunderball. Although McClory didn’t directly work on that novel with Fleming, a court nevertheless ruled that he (along with screenwriter Jack Whittingham) was owed partial ownership over its characters, ideas and elements, including Blofeld and SPECTRE.
Years later, McClory would become the sole living heir to that novel’s rich repository of material, and with those rights, he had designs on a competing series of 007 films, starting with a remake of Thunderball. Joining forces with Sean Connery, who by all accounts only reprised the role of James Bond to spite Broccoli, and hiring Irvin Kershner, the director of The Empire Strikes Back, to helm the film, one thing was obvious right from the start: McClory was playing for keeps.
But if Cubby Broccoli was feeling the pressure, he had a good poker face. James Bond #13 aka Octopussy would be released the same year as Never Say Never Again, and the ship looked steady. Roger Moore would return for his sixth James Bond film, tying Connery’s previous record, and For Your Eyes Only director John Glen kissed the EON ring for his sophomore 007 adventure. Supporting character actors like Lois Maxwell (Ms. Moneypenny) and Desmond Llewellyn (Q) also showed their support, reprising roles they’d held for two decades, while Maud Adams, a Bond Girl alumni of The Man With the Golden Gun, would upgrade to the titular character Octopussy.
Octopussy‘s tone and plot would strike a happy medium between the outright campy spectacle of Moonraker and the more grounded and at times grittier For Your Eyes Only. For inspiration, it would very loosely adapt one of the few remaining Fleming short stories, “Property of a Lady,” while stealing its title from another of Fleming’s briefer Bond yarns.
Meanwhile, Never Say Never Again, despite the nostalgic return of Connery in the role of Bond, would be forced to cast completely different actors in familiar supporting parts, devise a brand new theme for 007, and forego the classic gun barrel sequence that had been used in every James Bond film for twenty years. It would have to reinvent the world of the character almost entirely from scratch, despite being a remake with the original actor.
Had Never come along soon after the financial debacle of The Man With the Golden Gun back in 1974, it might have had a shot at sinking Roger Moore’s resuscitation of the franchise and taking over the reins of the James Bond movie series. But in 1983, EON’s Bond was arguably at its highest point in pop culture prominence since the halcyon days of the early Connery films, and Roger Moore had firmly entrenched himself as the 007 of the 70s and 80s.
Ultimately while Never Say Never Again did admirably at the box office, it couldn’t best Octopussy‘s powerhouse performance. Both domestically and worldwide, Octopussy triumphed to become 1983’s more lucrative Bond blockbuster.
Of course the box office bout is only half the battle. The real victor in the Battle of the Bonds is ultimately decided by which is the better film. Spoiler warning: you and your friends may have a difference in opinion on that matter. But before any lines get drawn, sides get chosen or blood gets spilled, perhaps we should sit down for a meal and a drink first. Just like in a James Bond movie, there’s no reason we can’t be civilized before we try to murder one another.
DINE
Normally, Bond Night focuses on a single cuisine to match the 007 film you and your friends will be watching, but this month, with two different Bond films, why not introduce a little extra variety into the culinary experience as well? Try serving an appetizer to sate your friends’ hunger prior to embarking on the first film; then you can roll out the red carpet on a main meal between films.
The combination of a movie called Octopussy with the underwater shenanigans of Never Say Never Again justify the perfect tongue-in-cheek appetizer. Naturally, that’s fried calamari. If you’ve never tried squid before, don’t panic! With a crispy, buttery exterior thanks to the fried breading and a chewy interior, it tastes like a cross between an onion ring and a mozzarella stick. Combine that with a spicy tomato sauce for dipping and you’ve got the makings of a great pre-film snack.
Once you and your friends have an entire film under your belt and an empty gut beneath that belt, give your eyes a break and let your jaws do the work instead on a delicious meal of Indian food. Octopussy certainly makes the most of its time in India, with stunning cinematography and plenty of hijinks in the markets and streets of Udaipur. Naturally, you’ll want to follow suit with a series of dishes that cover all the highlights.
For the uninitiated, Indian food is a blend of exotic and unique spices, hearty cuts of meats like chicken and lamb, and creative uses for ingredients like spinach, lentils, chickpeas, yogurt and almonds. There is something almost transcendental about a well-prepared Indian meal, so be sure to find your best local Indian restaurant to do the honors.
For starters, a milder curry option like lamb korma is a no-brainer and a dependable crowd pleaser. The spice levels are very low on this dish, instead opting for a silky, creamy texture with notes of almonds, coconut and yogurt tartness. And when prepared properly, the lamb should be juicy and fall apart at the merest touch of your fork.
Next up on the menu should be a hearty serving of crimson colored tandoori chicken. These are the best hot wings you’ll ever eat with the chicken pre-marinated in a blend of spices including tandoori masala, cayenne pepper, and red chili powder and then cooked on a skewer inside a clay tandoor oven. Spicy, a little burnt, but still juicy and savory, these are perfect for passing around a full table.
Finally, to add a little green to all those oranges and reds on the dinner table, don’t forget palak paneer, a pureed spinach dish with onions, garlic and garam masala and large cottage cheese cubes. This is a savory, hearty dish that will become your new favorite comfort food. It pairs well with either fragrant basmati rice or buttery garlic naan flatbread for soaking up those last dollops of sauce.
DRINK
If you expect your buddies to sit through two different James Bond films in one night, you’ve got to keep them properly hydrated during the marathon film run.
Since Octopussy and Never Say Never Again are completely different Bond films with distinctly different actors playing 007, you can’t expect just one cocktail to cover the whole night. Fortunately, Bond Night has your back with a couple unique cocktails perfectly tailored to their respective film. Best of all, they happen to be incredibly easy to conjure up in your kitchen.
Starting with Octopussy, the classic Gin and Tonic is a no-brainer. Continuing the theme of Indian influence on the cuisine, it’s the defining drink of British Imperialism, a fragrant, sparkling beverage with a thirst-quenching pucker that makes for arguably the most refreshing cocktail in the world. British soldiers stationed in India invented the drink to combat malaria when they discovered that quinine, a principal ingredient in tonic water, could actually treat the disease.
James Bond was a fan as well, imbibing several of them in the novel Dr. No and insisting that a whole lime’s juice be used in the preparation of the drink. 007 was also a strong believer in quality mixers and with such a simple drink, you’d be well served to heed his advice. Cheap tonic water will ruin a gin and tonic, so be sure to upgrade to a high quality option. I’d recommend Fever Tree’s Premium Indian Tonic Water, but Q Tonic and Fentiman’s Tonic are also solid options.
Gin & Tonic
- 2 oz. of Beefeater’s Gin
- Fever Tree Premium Indian Tonic Water
- 1 whole lime
Directions
Fill a Collins glass or a stemless wine glass with ice and pour in the gin. Cut a lime in half, juice both sides and pour into the glass. Mix with a bar spoon and then either drop in the halved lime if your glass is big enough or cut a wheel and perch it on the rim of the glass. Finally, top off the mixture with your tonic water. An exact measure isn’t required.
As for Never Say Never Again, we’ll be indulging in another classic highball that takes even less time to craft than the Gin and Tonic and memorably evokes the film’s Caribbean setting: a Dark and Stormy.
A blend of Gosling’s Black Seal Dark Rum and ginger beer, the Dark and Stormy is an intoxicating combination of spicy and savory with sweet and decadent. The rich, chewy molasses and brown sugar notes of the rum marry perfectly to the heat, fizz and spice of the ginger beer. Your tongue will still be tingling from your Gin and Tonic; this is like the G&T’s evil twin, delivering an even more aggressive tingle and substituting a dessert-like sweetness for the first drink’s juicy tartness.
While you’re picking up your Fever Tree Premium Indian Tonic Water from the market, go ahead and grab some of that company’s Ginger Beer as well. A proper ginger beer is hazy and spicy with a lingering heat on the back end; if you can’t find Fever Tree, consider substituting in Fentiman’s, Q, or Reed’s Extra Ginger Beer.
You’ll also get double duty out of those limes you’re picking up for the G&Ts. So save your unused lime halves and cut some wheels for use in your D & S’s. That’s thinking ahead of the curve right there, a 007 tactic if there ever was one.
Dark and Stormy
- 2 oz. of Gosling’s Black Seal Dark Rum
- Fever Tree Ginger Beer
- A Lime Wheel for Garnish
Directions
Fill a Collins glass with ice and then pour in your rum. Top the glass with ginger beer, give it a gentle stir, and then wedge the lime wheel to the rim. Like the G&T, don’t worry about measuring the volume of the ginger beer.
PRO-TIP: To pour a Dark and Stormy the classic way, pour the ginger beer first, about 2/3 of the way up the glass and then top it with the 2 oz of rum and don’t bother stirring. Most of the rum will actually sit on top of the soda with this method, creating a dark/light contrast in the glass that’s a beauty to behold.
INTERMISSION
For Octopussy, pause the film at 00:49:10 or right after Kamal Khan warns the mysterious, off-camera Octopussy that she is “making a serious mistake” while she feeds the octopus in her aquarium.
For Never Say Never Again, pause the film at 01:04:25 or right after Sean Connery’s Bond, posing as a masseur, gives Kim Basinger’s Domino a massage, leaves, and the arriving masseuse says “The man I passed? He does not work here.”
Octopussy – VERDICT
I’m calling it: Octopussy features the most insanely complicated, twist-and-turn plotting of any James Bond film in the official series. There’s something in there about smuggling rare treasures, phony fabergé eggs, a bomb that will blow up a West Berlin circus, and a troupe of women that are either cat burglars or circus performers or prostitutes… or maybe all of the above? James Bond films have a long history of plots that are gloriously convoluted, but Octopussy truly goes above and beyond.
And honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Director John Glen delivers a confident film brimming with fun set-pieces, plenty of spectacle and laughs, and gorgeous cinematography of India. Even when the story makes little to no sense, the film takes pains to engage and entertain the audience at every turn. There is just enough coherence so you understand what is happening from one moment to the next, even if you’re not entirely sure how you got there or what’s coming next.
And then of course, there’s the action.
Not only is the pre-title sequence one of the franchise’s flashiest up to this point, but everything that takes place in Berlin substantially elevates the film. Bond runs an insane gauntlet to defuse a bomb, contending with Soviet soldiers, knife-throwing assassins, and the West German police. In fact, it’s one of the most suspenseful extended sequences of any Bond adventure. Yes, it ends with Roger Moore dressing up as a clown, but within the context of the sequence, what could be another eye-rolling excess of the Moore era is a brilliant bit of subterfuge and guile as 007 evades the authorities.
And then of course there are the final action-packed scenes in which the Octopussy girls dismantle an entire fortress of armed guards using insane gymnastic flips, jumps and high kicks. Oh yeah, and Q in a hot air balloon.
I mean, this film really has everything.
Well, sorta.
While my friends were elated during their viewing, there were plenty of sticking points once the initial high of the screening wore off. For one thing, the film’s villain, Kamal Khan, is one of the wimpiest and most forgettable Bond baddies. And for another, the film’s evocative title ultimately promised more than it could deliver.
“Octopussy’s just the name of a character?” one of my friends lamented. “That’s it?”
Clearly, the visual imagery invoked in their minds surpassed anything the film could conjure.
Part of the problem is that Octopussy herself, despite being played by Maud Adams, one of the better actresses of the series, is never really a threat to Bond and never really intended to be. The fact that she also holds power over Khan really lessens the stakes and emasculates the film’s primary antagonist. We’re never really afraid of Khan or his power or influence, because Octopussy’s is greater and she’s on Bond’s side.
So what’s the ultimate verdict from the Bond Night crew? My friends had a great time watching the movie and enthusiastically praised its blend of badass moments and tongue-in-cheek absurdities. But with a little distance, it settled somewhere into the middle of the pack, serving as an above average entry in the series, neither a total disaster nor a complete triumph.
Never Say Never Again – VERDICT
By the intermission halfway point to Never, my friends were elated. Despite all their enthusiasm for Octopussy just hours prior, they were ready to throw that film under the Aston Martin for the return of Sean Connery.
“It’s so good to see him back,” one of my friends said.
“This movie is awesome,” another added.
I was befuddled, to say the least. In my eyes, Never Say Never Again is a train wreck of a film, featuring the most grating soundtrack of any film I’ve ever watched, schizophrenic pacing, sloppy plotting, and bargain bin looking special effects and set design. Despite the fact that Never actually has a larger budget than Octopussy, you’d never know it from looking at it. Never is a thoroughly unattractive, cheap looking film from beginning to end. It doesn’t even look as good as 1965’s Thunderball, the movie it’s remaking, let alone an EON Bond film of that era.
To my friends, though, the first half of the film was a welcome surprise. Seeing Connery back in the role, even if he’s phoning it in almost as badly as in You Only Live Twice or Diamonds Are Forever, was a fun change of pace, and the physicality and toughness that he brings to fight scenes was a clear improvement over Moore’s unconvincing flailing. An early sequence where Connery’s Bond gets into a brutal brawl that tears through an entire health clinic brought back fond memories of bouts from earlier Bond flicks, and it’s capped with Bond blinding and killing his nigh-invulnerable opponent with a beaker full of his own urine!
If that sounds zany, you ain’t seen nothing yet. Never Say Never Again is arguably the most cartoony Bond film, with antics and punchlines that would be right at home in a Looney Tunes short. Whether it’s throwing snakes into moving vehicles to dispatch an enemy, sending remote control sharks after 007, or jumping off a medieval structure into the water hundreds of feet below while riding a horse, this movie may be sillier than even Moonraker and its double-taking pigeon.
On the one hand, some of these scenes are fun and funny, and Barbara Carrera’s Fatima Blush, who is involved in many of the more outlandish moments, is probably the wildest femme fatale in the entire franchise. Modeled after Luciana Paluzzi’s Fiona Volpe from Thunderball, she’s unquestionably the best thing about this film and a clear inspiration for Famke Janssen’s over-the-top Bond baddie Xenia Onatopp from GoldenEye.
But corny stunts and goofball punchlines only take a film so far, and by the second half of the film, my friends had tired of the steady diet of groans and eye rolls. It’s hard to tell or care what happens in this latter half, as narrative threads are haphazardly tied up without any real fanfare and the characters teleport to multiple locations across the world without the film bothering to show their travel or providing any explanation for the change in scenery.
The final battle is a dull, tensionless underwater fight that doesn’t hold a speargun to Thunderball‘s epic (though admittedly dated) finale. My friends, who had actually fallen asleep during Thunderball‘s subterranean scenes, were similarly lulled into slumber during Never Say Never Again‘s watery hijinks.
Ultimately, in a three-to-one decision, Octopussy was crowned the better 007 film by the Bond Night crew. While Never might have had the more interesting villains and the wilder, more outlandish moments, Octopussy scored top marks on overall entertainment, spectacle, production quality, and storytelling.
RANK
There is no other era of 007 films that swings in quality as wildly as the Roger Moore era. On the one side, you have films like The Spy Who Loved Me and For Your Eyes Only. On the other, there’s The Man with the Golden Gun and Moonraker. Octopussy is that rare Moore film that manages to straddle the line and defy easy categorization. It doesn’t reach the heights of Moore’s better films, but it’s certainly an improvement over his lesser entries.
As for Never Say Never Again, it’s barely a movie, let alone a James Bond movie. Sloppy, lazy, and ugly with a soundtrack that is like an icepick to the ear canal, it’s practically unwatchable with the sole exception of Barbara Carrera’s inspired, over-the-top performance. Irvin Kershner may have directed the best Star Wars film, but he also directed the worst James Bond movie… at least, so far.
- Goldfinger
- From Russia With Love
- On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
- The Spy Who Loved Me
- For Your Eyes Only
- Live and Let Die
- Dr. No
- Thunderball
- Octopussy
- Diamonds Are Forever
- You Only Live Twice
- The Man with the Golden Gun
- Moonraker
- Never Say Never Again
Bond Night Will Return with A View to a Kill…
Bond Night is a tradition started by myself, a bonafide Bondian, and friends whose exposure to the James Bond film franchise was limited. One film a month is paired with a region-appropriate cuisine and cocktail, and spirited discourse about each film’s merits and shortcomings. The goal of this column is to translate that experience here, walking newbies and Bond-experts alike through fifty years of the British superspy’s cinematic history (from Dr. No through today) and declassifying all the secret intel necessary for you to host your own Bond Night with friends and family.