Star Wars macaroni and cheese may be the most perfect cuisine known to mankind.
Ah, macaroni and cheese, my first true love. I can remember eating it well before I was three years old, and thought that orange sand from the Kraft box was like manna from heaven. I can truly say I’ve never had a bad macaroni and cheese. I even liked the old Franco American mac and cheese in a can.
I can make it all. The blue-box special (some of you may know it as Kraft Dinner), the Stouffers tray of happiness, Easy Mac by the dozen, and when I make it from scratch it involves 6 cheeses, a roux, and a special ingredient you’ll never know.
So yeah, I’m serious about my macaroni and cheese. And when I saw this at the local supermarket, my jaw hit the floor.
Despite my love for the golden stuff, we typically attempt to eat healthy around here (for the most part), so my wife, Kristen, looked perplexed when she saw me throw four boxes in the cart. It went down something like this.
“What are you doing? You’re really not going to eat four boxes of mac and cheese, are you?”
“Maybe. Probably not. I’ll share. But look at the boxes!”
[eyes roll]
“This is research for the site. I probably won’t even eat them.”
“So you’re gonna keep this food in our house for what, 20 years?”
“…. No. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
[She smiles]
Kristen is pretty awesome. Anyways, so this is what I expect to be the one of the first of many product tie-ins leading up to Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and I had to have them. As you can see, there is nothing directly related to the next movies here, and the characters are pretty much ubiquitous to the saga up to this point. The first four boxes are Yoda, Darth Vader, See-Threepio, and Artoo Detoo. Safe choices, no doubt about that. All four are OT characters, but they also appear in the prequels too. Yoda’s character model is decidedly prequel, too. I wonder how that choice went down. Has the Stuart Freeborn puppet model run its course for this sort of thing? Not sure how I feel about that.
Let’s be honest, the back of the boxes look awesome. Big 1/2 character faces with quotes about how much they love macaroni in cheese. I can only assume the Force is strong with this dish. Yoda and Threepio seem to be on the same level, and really focused on the cheesiness of this product, while Vader is really tuned in our hunger. It’s probably because he can’t eat. Artoo naturally doesn’t have a quote, but I would have appreciated some Aurrebesh like Luke got on his X-Wing display. Also, Artoo is goin’ full rebel with a reversed half-head. What gives, Kraft?
And, don’t forget about that stripe up top: collect all 8?! WHERE ARE THE OTHER FOUR?! I you see them out there, let me know.
Well, to finish this article, I had to open up those boxes and see what was going on with those pasta shapes. The front of the box promised me 5 shapes, but would they look as they were intended to look? Would this product stand up to its claims?
As a dedicated journalist and editor, I had to find out. My reputation is at stake, here. I owe it to my readers to deliver the facts. You need to be informed.
Look at that beauty. Vader and Threepio’s faces are instantly recognizable, as is the X-Wing. Then, we’re treated to full-body replications of Artoo Detoo and Yoda, and in a 3/4 perspective shot, too! This is some serious pasta making, people. I can’t even imagine what the die to cut these forms looks like.
You may be wondering why each piece has so many small chambers and unnecessary lines. It may not be obvious at first, because if you were to draw these figures, these little lines would surely not be there. I put forth a theory that these are for stability when the pasta is being cooked. After all, they are boiled, strained, mixed and stirred, all before being brought to you plate or bowl, not to mention having to be brought from fork to mouth. There geniuses over a Kraft seem to have figured out how to create an artistic form that would survive such a hostile cooking process to get these to your taste buds unmarred.
Well, that just settled it. The boxes were already open, my family was getting hungry, and I just had to know, would they stand up as well as they were designed? And, of course, did they taste good?
Kristen, my daughter, and myself were resolved to try Star Wars macaroni and cheese. And once more unto the breach we went.
We all agreed, it was awesome. Just as good as any Kraft mac and cheese we’ve ever had, and the chambers really got a lot of cheese into every bite. Exceptional design, and as you can see, the shapes really stood up. There were a few comments around the table that the pasta was a tad firm, but it all tasted great to me. I’d rather have an intact Artoo than a flimsy astromech.
So, all in all, this is a great product. Weeks later, I am still on the lookout for those remaining four boxes, and I am getting nervous they won’t surface in the Boston area. But, in the name of research and journalism, I feel my job is done–for now.
If you have tried Star Wars macaroni and cheese, send us email at contact@retrozap.com. we want to hear from you!
Buon Appetito!
BREAKING NEWS: The final four have been found.
-JT
Joseph Tavano is the owner and editor in chief of RetroZap. Born just months before Luke found out who his father was, he has been fortunate to have had Star Wars in his life as long as he can remember. Growing up just outside of Boston, Massachusetts, he can remember substituting sticks for lightsabers and BMX bikes for speeders. He loves comics, retro games, vintage sci-fi paperbacks, and maps. Though an accomplished drummer, he doesn’t crave adventure (as much) any more, and prefers his old haunts north of Boston, Massachusetts, where he resides with his family. Buy him a glass of whiskey and he’ll return it in kind.